Justifications. They give an explanation to our actions. But can we tell the difference between proper justifications and explanations that don't tell the full story. Now as children, I'm sure most of us have had the talk about owning up to our own actions instead of blaming others. In fact, it's probably one of the earliest lessons we've learned. You know the My dog ate my homework! or the Sorry I was late, there was so much traffic! or even the My alarm didn't go off even though I double checked that it was on the night before! While these happen more often than we would like, we also realize that sometimes we make excuses for other people rather than just ourselves. It's a different scenario.
What about that one person who makes a commitment and then flakes at the last minute for no good reason? I'm sure this happens to all of us, which is completely normal. But what if it keeps happening time and time again? It's up to us to decide what to make of it. If they find a way to make it up to you every time then maybe it's no big deal. If you find that you are always there for them but they never return the favor, then maybe something is up. Maybe you realize that it doesn't make a difference in that their presence won't be missed. Maybe you are genuinely disappointed but have to put on a strong front. If the second is true, it might be time to do a little mental check to make sure you understand what your feelings are really saying. Did the person realize my expectations of their behavior? Were my expectations not even considered, leaving me angry, sad, or disappointed in them? Have I been led down this road before? Do I have a reason to expect any more than this behavior from this person?
Sometimes we get into the habit of letting people off the hook. We start making excuses for these people, trying to explain their odd behavior through lies that we end up believing. But the more we make excuses for people, the more we get hurt. We are just lying to ourselves, accepting the behavior of people who lie to us. All these attempts of understanding mixed messages, reading between the lines, and letting them off easy are towards people who simply don't care about you enough. As hard as it might be sometimes, we have to stop tolerating such people who make promises bigger than they can keep, who talk too much and do too little, who want you when it's convenient for them, who aren't there when you need them most. Some people just take no matter how much you give. Sometimes it is a one way street. Sometimes we are being too understanding. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to justify their actions when we can much simpler.
The truth of the matter is that those who truly care for you will go out of their way to be there while others run away. True friends will go that extra mile and not see it as a burden. The people who love you will show you. The people who don't will love you when they need something in return. The people who are worth being in your life will remember the little things that make you smile and the milestones that don't deserve to go unnoticed. There are people in this world who will either love you or not at all. Surround yourself with the people who are 100% for your happiness, success, and friendship. You deserve such people in your life. You deserve to be with people who find reasons to be in your life. You deserve to live a life with people who care about you always.
-N
What about that one person who makes a commitment and then flakes at the last minute for no good reason? I'm sure this happens to all of us, which is completely normal. But what if it keeps happening time and time again? It's up to us to decide what to make of it. If they find a way to make it up to you every time then maybe it's no big deal. If you find that you are always there for them but they never return the favor, then maybe something is up. Maybe you realize that it doesn't make a difference in that their presence won't be missed. Maybe you are genuinely disappointed but have to put on a strong front. If the second is true, it might be time to do a little mental check to make sure you understand what your feelings are really saying. Did the person realize my expectations of their behavior? Were my expectations not even considered, leaving me angry, sad, or disappointed in them? Have I been led down this road before? Do I have a reason to expect any more than this behavior from this person?
Sometimes we get into the habit of letting people off the hook. We start making excuses for these people, trying to explain their odd behavior through lies that we end up believing. But the more we make excuses for people, the more we get hurt. We are just lying to ourselves, accepting the behavior of people who lie to us. All these attempts of understanding mixed messages, reading between the lines, and letting them off easy are towards people who simply don't care about you enough. As hard as it might be sometimes, we have to stop tolerating such people who make promises bigger than they can keep, who talk too much and do too little, who want you when it's convenient for them, who aren't there when you need them most. Some people just take no matter how much you give. Sometimes it is a one way street. Sometimes we are being too understanding. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to justify their actions when we can much simpler.
The truth of the matter is that those who truly care for you will go out of their way to be there while others run away. True friends will go that extra mile and not see it as a burden. The people who love you will show you. The people who don't will love you when they need something in return. The people who are worth being in your life will remember the little things that make you smile and the milestones that don't deserve to go unnoticed. There are people in this world who will either love you or not at all. Surround yourself with the people who are 100% for your happiness, success, and friendship. You deserve such people in your life. You deserve to be with people who find reasons to be in your life. You deserve to live a life with people who care about you always.
-N
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