A Little Message That Couldn't Wait

Seriously. What did I ever do to you...
That makes you think I suck?
That makes you think I can never be successful?
That makes you think that I'm a loser?

Trust me, I know that I've really screwed up. But stop reminding me of who I used to be. I'm going to try to change, I promise. I want to do this for me, definitely not for you. It's my life. Let me take control. 

You're really not helping me. I heard you the first time. Changing myself is going to take time and you're just going to have to accept that. I know you're trying to get me to change, and I really appreciate that, it's just that I can only be the one who gets me to change. 

I know you think that I'm just trying to ignore you, but that is far from the truth. I want to change so much, I want to be successful, I don't want to be a loser. I think about this all the time, it really drives me insane sometimes. But, that is how badly I want this. 

Please, all I need right now is to believe in myself. Every time you remind me of my past, it is an obstacle that prevents me from ever getting to my future. I just need the support, it really means the world to me. I just got to keep going, keep trying, and keep attempting to change myself. 

Just one question, do you think that because I screwed up, that I can't get back to where I used to be and perform even better? Why is this the last of me? Why was my past the peak in this lifetime? Everyone falls down, you say, so why can't I? Was my mistake so big that I don't deserve to see success at all? Well, I guess you are allowed to make your own opinions. 

But, if I were you and I really cared about the well being of my friend/family member, I would really build them up. I'd make them feel that they can put their mind to anything and accomplish it all. I'd appreciate them and make sure they know that I am never going to completely give up on them. I'd give them the confidence to get over their fear of failure and finally improve. They would have my complete and utter support to be able to fall and get right back up. They would be able to realize that the secret to success comes mainly from extreme preparation and belief in themselves. They would realize that there had just been some subconscious and hidden potential that was just eager to be discovered. They would be able to tap into that "zone" and just give it their all in every circumstance. After all, what do they really have to lose? What's the worst that could happen?

-N

I Forgive You

Mistakes. They happen to everyone, it's what makes us human. I feel like teenagers are hurt by mistakes more than anyone else. We feel that after each mistake we will lose your respect and end up unloved, which is why we stress about each and every slight move. Ironically, despite how careful we try to be, we still end up making tons of slip-ups. It's a fact-- teenagers, at one point or another, will mess up. The anger and frustration that you have towards yourself builds at an exponential rate. There's no other way to describe it other than you are literally stuck in a mental cage of loneliness and fear that prevents you from wanting to fix your situation. You haven't got the slightest idea of what to do and you just sit there, frozen, with your fists clenched, blaming yourself for every little thing. What is he going to say when he finds out? How will she react? Will they ever forget? 

Three words. You won't believe how much of an impact these words have on us. They are probably the second most important three words after, "I love you". We need to know that this mistake is not the end of the world. We need to know that there is room for us to fall down and get back up. It's OK to make mistakes! Yes, I am a teenager. And yes, I've messed up a huge number of times, and I still mess up...often. I know, they make you feel worthless. If one thing is true, it is the fact that mistakes are the best teachers. When you slip up, your mental toughness is tested and hopefully proven as strong. Mistakes teach you to be fearless in your decision making and how to deal with disappointments. You will really be a stronger person, I just know it. So keep your chin up, bring out that beautiful smile, and get ready to learn...a lot.

I know. I screwed up and I'm so sorry. If you aren't ready to accept me and my mistake, I understand. But, please don't shut me out. Tell me what I have to do to regain your trust and I'll do it. The dark cave of fear is too much to bear. Please, put me out of my misery and say something. 

"I forgive you". 

-N

Prove Them Wrong

Haters. You know them, they're everywhere. Constantly trying to mess you up. Consistently doubting you. Their voices echo in your heads and shake your entire world. They have one goal in life and that is to make sure you fail.  Hopeless, spoiled, disgraceful, are some of the words that fire out of their mouths like bullets. Except these guns never run out of fire. When you think that you've escaped them, out comes another! You can't run from them. You try to fight back, you try to forget, you try to hide. But, try as you might, it just doesn't work. Even when all the commotion is too much to bear, it gets louder and louder. The sound of your pounding heart combined with the muffling noise of the bullies is too overwhelming. You try to gasp for air and you're shoved back down into the violence and harm. They don't know when they've gone too far and they keep pinning you to the ground, leaving you incapable of accomplishing great things. Your cry for help fades away into the distance and you wonder, when will I be safe? 

What they don't understand is that they are hopeless, spoiled, and disgraceful. But, please don't tell them. Instead, show them that they misjudged you. Let them have their moment of power and dominance, because they are completely unaware of their impact on you. They think they know everything about you, like you're some sort of open book. No one can tell you how to write your story. Work hard behind the scenes, by putting in the after-hours, and go for the sneak attack. Think back to when they first started cursing you, and show them that you were the wrong person to be messed with. Show them that they were too busy being shallow and unhelpful, when they should have been pursuing their personalities and humor. 

You don't deserve to be treated in such an inhumane way. Think about how amazing and talented the people in our world could be if everyone practiced being supportive and kind. To all the haters, can you please explain to me why you want to be so rude to one another? Because, you're going to be wrong. All of the insults that you fire at your victims, become sparks inside their souls. And once those sparks are ignited, you haters better stand back because I have faith that these people will rise above the stars and render you speechless.

-N

Just Keep Swimming

Perseverance. It's when life has just knocked you down, or thrown you a curve ball when you were least expecting it. But, you don't quit. In fact, you take life by the hand and acknowledge that you've taken a fall. You just get right back up and try again. You shake it off. Sounds pretty simple right? I really hope so! Because the first step to greatness is believing that you can! The next part is where things get a little more difficult, but it's definitely worth it in the end. Whenever you want to succeed, you have to be 100% immersed into your preparation. The passion and drive towards your goal is the fuel that powers you to fulfill your dream. When you genuinely love what you do, the sky's the limit on what you can achieve! 

I guess the question becomes, are you tough enough to put in all the work that it takes to get you to where you want to be? Even after all the grueling hours combined with sleep deprivation and complete exhaustion, are you still going to be motivated to improve? I think the determination to just keep pushing yourself comes mainly from your mind and heart. Having the ability to block out all distractions and remain focused is such a crucial part on your road to success. Here's how I like to think about it. You know that feeling after an insanely tough workout or when you've been working on a project until past midnight? One word. SORENESS. Whether you're in mental or physical pain, you know that you put in even more effort than you thought that you could. To be honest, I really enjoy that feeling because it's a representation of self-improvement. That's how you should feel every single day of your life!

In the end, it has to come from you. No one is going to force you to keep going and putting in the effort. Live, breathe, and dream your goals. It's a really tough thing, trust me, I know. But, if you are really passionate about what you're doing, does it really feel like work? Aren't you just lucky to be doing what you love? I believe that you can do anything you put your mind to! Forget about anyone doubting you. Believe in yourself, learn from the downfalls, put in the proper effort, and you'll be golden! Please, you're too special to give up now.

-N 

People Change People

Assumptions. Good or bad, you're usually in for quite a surprise. With that said, here's a documentary poem that I wrote that touches on how life-changing a single gesture can be to any ordinary person. In other words, people change people. I find it very fascinating how your friends, or even strangers, can bring out different sides of you. My advice: Don't assume or expect anything from people and instead, focus on being kind to one another. Do things out of the greatness of your heart, and not because you are hoping for something in return. Once you show people your good intentions, they will come around and surprise you in the best possible way. I hope you enjoy!

It's been about 5 years since I delivered my first pizza. 26 years old. I make about 8 bucks an hour. My tips range from nothing to the rare 5 bucks. Here I am on a Friday night, stacking freshly baked pizzas into boxes. The landline rings. A man with a deep voice asks for a deep dish pizza. Anchovies and all-you-can-eat-meat. He gives me his address and I tell him to give me 20 minutes. He hangs up. I get right to it. Bake the deep dish, add sauce and cheese, then the toppings. It's perfect. I carefully place it in the box and carry it to the company car. I plug in his address. 10 miles. Smooth jazz music plays. After 9 miles of driving, I look out and see big houses towering over me. An affluent neighborhood. Last time I came here, a woman took her pizza and "forgot" to tip. When I put my hand out, she spat in it. I walk up the marble steps and ring the doorbell. Silence. Suddenly, I hear the door handle rattle. The door creaks open and the man who was on the phone, popped out. In this split second, I wanted to try something different. This time, I smile. I ask him how his day was. Casual conversation. I open the box to show him the pizza. He nods as I hand it to him. He gives me a crumpled 1 dollar bill. It's better than nothing. I tell him, I appreciate it, and start to walk back to the car. I look over my shoulder to see the man giving me a faint smile. He then shuts the door. I sit in the car and take out the dollar bill. I open it up and a folded piece of paper drops into my lap. Confused, I unfold that as well. A check for $1,000 stares right at me.

Here I am again. 64 years old. This time, I lay on a hospital bed. Suffering from cancer. I am unable to pay for my treatment. I look outside my room and see a familiar face. It is the man who gave me the check many years back. He smiles at me and nods once more. He speaks to my doctor then leaves. Never to be seen again. My doctor rushes in to tell me that the man had just written another $1,000 check. Speechless. Amazed. The doctor gives me the green light. My treatment begins soon. They tell me that I will live. All because of the man in the affluent neighborhood. 


-N

Ignore the Demons, Follow the Angels

Overthinking. It's like millions of little people in your head harassing you with questions while continuously proposing situations that could only occur in the strangest of dreams. But, you listen to them anyway. You keep on listening even when the confidence and hope that once illuminated inside your soul, has started to diminish. It comes to a point where a decision that used to be made in a heartbeat, now takes weeks and months to get through. And even after all that time, you still wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side. To me, the worst part is that you start to blame yourself for every minor mistake. You're such an idiot, you say when you forgot to charge your phone. Because of me and my bad luck, you explain why the internet was slow. What if it doesn't work, you wonder about anything and everything, totally disregarding the possibility of success in your life. We start to believe these little demons inside of us and forget who we used to be. I'm still the same person, you tell yourself to preserve your sanity as you push away everyone who deeply and genuinely cares about you. Sadly, it's only you on the outside. But, where did you go? And where am I?

So, grab everyone who makes you feel pure happiness and joy, and never let them go. If they make you feel inspired to be yourself, then congratulations! You have broken the cycle and discovered the secret to life. Such people are able to remind you of the passions that used to consistently drive you. I'm here to remind you that it's not too late to let go of the demons and surround yourself with the angels in your life. Do whatever you can to just let go. Imagine the space that will be revealed once all the unhelpful and unnecessary thoughts disappear. That's more space to fill with unforgettable memories, endless smiles, and aspirations for the future. Without the extra burden of too many thoughts, you are no longer weighing yourself down and you are already set to accomplish great things! I believe you can prove those demons wrong and go above and beyond what you dreamed and wished to achieve in your lifetime.

I know it's hard to believe that you could be your own bully, but in some ways I think its the worst type of torture. After all, who do you trust more than yourself? 

-N