Excuses or Good Reasons?

Justifications. They give an explanation to our actions. But can we tell the difference between proper justifications and explanations that don't tell the full story. Now as children, I'm sure most of us have had the talk about owning up to our own actions instead of blaming others. In fact, it's probably one of the earliest lessons we've learned. You know the My dog ate my homework! or the Sorry I was late, there was so much traffic! or even the My alarm didn't go off even though I double checked that it was on the night before! While these happen more often than we would like, we also realize that sometimes we make excuses for other people rather than just ourselves. It's a different scenario. 

What about that one person who makes a commitment and then flakes at the last minute for no good reason? I'm sure this happens to all of us, which is completely normal. But what if it keeps happening time and time again? It's up to us to decide what to make of it. If they find a way to make it up to you every time then maybe it's no big deal. If you find that you are always there for them but they never return the favor, then maybe something is up. Maybe you realize that it doesn't make a difference in that their presence won't be missed. Maybe you are genuinely disappointed but have to put on a strong front. If the second is true, it might be time to do a little mental check to make sure you understand what your feelings are really saying. Did the person realize my expectations of their behavior? Were my expectations not even considered, leaving me angry, sad, or disappointed in them? Have I been led down this road before? Do I have a reason to expect any more than this behavior from this person?

Sometimes we get into the habit of letting people off the hook. We start making excuses for these people, trying to explain their odd behavior through lies that we end up believing. But the more we make excuses for people, the more we get hurt. We are just lying to ourselves, accepting the behavior of people who lie to us. All these attempts of understanding mixed messages, reading between the lines, and letting them off easy are towards people who simply don't care about you enough. As hard as it might be sometimes, we have to stop tolerating such people who make promises bigger than they can keep, who talk too much and do too little, who want you when it's convenient for them, who aren't there when you need them most. Some people just take no matter how much you give. Sometimes it is a one way street. Sometimes we are being too understanding. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to justify their actions when we can much simpler. 

The truth of the matter is that those who truly care for you will go out of their way to be there while others run away. True friends will go that extra mile and not see it as a burden. The people who love you will show you. The people who don't will love you when they need something in return. The people who are worth being in your life will remember the little things that make you smile and the milestones that don't deserve to go unnoticed. There are people in this world who will either love you or not at all. Surround yourself with the people who are 100% for your happiness, success, and friendship. You deserve such people in your life. You deserve to be with people who find reasons to be in your life. You deserve to live a life with people who care about you always.

-N

Between You and Me

Trust. I told you something very personal to me, did you have to go and tell everyone else in the room? Was that necessary? Tell me, did it make you feel better about yourself? I thought I could trust you in that moment. Clearly I made a mistake doing that. I learned my lesson. Better it happened with a small secret now, then with a bigger one later. It's moments like these when I realize who my true friends are. You aren't. Now I am more aware of you now. I'm more aware of your intentions, in their selfish glory. But seriously, thank you. I needed that. I need people like you to make me wake up into reality that there are actually only a few people who you can trust. There are only a few people who actually want what's best for you. And you just aren't them. 

Does this thought process sound familiar? It's sad how often this sort of gossip happens these days. But I doubt it can really be eliminated. Most people just aren't as good as you think. You never know who you can trust sometimes. You think you are at a place where you are comfortable enough to tell the other person anything. But turns out, you're wrong about that thought. It's frustrating, annoying, disappointing. It takes so long to find the right person or group of people who you can really trust. If it mean that your secrets and personal thoughts are safe with them, maybe it is worth the time and effort spent finding those people. 

Secrets are hard to keep. It's hard to go about your life with a secret inside of you that no one knows about. It's hard to not tell anyone exactly how you are feeling at every moment or tell people what you are really going through. If only we can just embrace it and tell someone. For those who realize that keeping secrets with themselves only holds them back, you are the most courageous and powerful people I know. I seriously admire you. It's not easy to just admit to it compared to keeping it to yourself. Imagine if you were brave enough to own up to what you were hiding inside. You wouldn't have to worry about people humiliating you. You wouldn't have to feel powerless and embarrassed.

But then there are those secrets that feel can never come out. If you tell anyone, make sure that you are confident putting your trust in them. Ask yourself, do these people care genuinely care about how I feel? Have these people always been there for me when I needed it the most? It this relationship a two way street? Have they been able to help me before? How much do I value this friendship? If you are able to respond yes to all of these questions, then go for it. Tell them. Really think about what you are going to say before you say it. You don't want any slip ups now. These people have your true interests at heart. They will give you the best possible advice or even just listen to you. They will hear you out and will be there whenever you need to talk, or not talk. They are there for you regardless. I hope you can find these group of people. I wish you the best! You are brave, powerful, strong, and in control!

-N

Didn't Expect That

Surprise! The word commonly associated with preferable outcomes. But what if it's something that caught you dumbfounded, shocked, or confused? Imagine someone just told you something that you didn't want to hear at the moment. Maybe it was something that you considered deep in the back of your mind, maybe it was something that you didn't expect to occur at all, maybe it was something that you didn't think was even possible to happen. You are kind of just left there speechless, trying to choke up a response, so the other person doesn't think you are impacted. It's really awkward to say the least. Everything was going great until that moment. Now you can't stop thinking about it. It consumed you. Your mood for the rest of the day changed. Don't let if get to you, you repeat to yourself. It just continues to do so. What now? 

Stay strong like the warrior you are. How you react is crucial to your perseverance. You can choose to contemplate the situation forever. You can choose to replay the moment in your head over and over again. You can choose to think about it for a little bit and then reset. The next step is how you can take the information that crept up on you and turn it around to your benefit. Evaluate it's impact on your future and where you want to end up. Are there minor things to fix along the way? Is it just a small "new game plan" moment? Or does it cause you to make major directional changes? Is it affecting something you thought you would do forever? I think these are questions we have to address. Talk through it with some buddies. Sit down with them and explain your situation. You will never know how many tidbits of advice you can pick up from them if you don't open up. Trust me, it's a great relief to just rant to those who really care for you. 

Don't start hating on the situation. If it's a person who surprised you in the wrong way, try not to fixate on them as people. Don't place any hate or blame on the person or event. Focus on how you can benefit instead. Things are going to happen that aren't in your favor. It's inevitable. But what if this moment helps you realize something you wouldn't have otherwise? What if this moment guides you into making a decision that makes you happier and more successful? Go into it with a positive outlook. Keep that smile on your face. Take a few deep breaths. Everything happens for a reason. You can get through it. I have faith that you will make a decision that you are content with. You got this.

Keep your values at heart. Be mature about your reaction. Focus for a while on how you want to respond. Again, the unexpected and how we choose to get past it makes us stronger. These are life's teaching moments. 

-N

Beyond Victories

Goals. You just did it. You achieved something you've been working at for a while. You worked hard and you guessed it payed off. Finally. But where do you go from there? Do you just celebrate and move on? Do you celebrate nonstop? Depending on who you are, there are many avenues for you to go down. I'd say, take a moment to relax and breathe. You have just put in your utmost time and effort. Then, try to build your momentum again. Getting that victory might just be what you need to really build your confidence and climb even higher mountains. 

Try and figure out what this win means for you. Monitoring your progress allows you to still have something to work towards and help yourself seize the next opportunity that you can take advantage of for your benefit. If you are about that growth mindset, you are already beyond successful. Training your mind to want to focus on getting better is key to chasing after your biggest dreams. Focus on what you will do. Focus on the new pathways you have opened up for yourself with this past win. Focus on what you have right in front of you and how you can use it to get to where you want to be. 

Don't get me wrong though. I don't want you to overlook your victories. By all means, celebrate them! You deserve it! It's just that I don't want to see people let go of the success that they have spent years and years developing. I don't want it to be a reason for someone to give up now that they achieved a particular goal. Imagine all the things that you can do now that you were able to accomplish that certain goal. Have the grit, perseverance, and motivation to go even further. Picture that second mountain to climb and repeat the process once more. This time, you are probably going to have more confidence knowing that you are able to accomplish anything you put your mind to. 

Analyze that victory of yours. Try and see if there is anything you could learn from or imitate in the future. Pick up the good habits and any minor smudges as lessons to tackle your next endeavor. Not only do you have to learn from the mistakes, but you can also learn from the victories and what it took for you to get there. Take into amount the routines you set up for yourself, the mindset you had days before the event, the stamina you built over a long period of time to get you to this very success. Try to evaluate these factors and bring them all together to set up your next big win. You know you have it in you. 

-N

Anything but an Inverse Relationship

Preparation. Hard work will pay off some day. Stick to what you are doing no matter how hard things get. Pull the all-nighters, spend the hours from the first crack of dawn, even though you just want to be done. The quality of intense effort and focused execution to follow through with your goals are the most important aspects of reaching success. Following the game plan and not making short cuts, checking off the steps you have set up for yourself to complete, and talking to yourself in the mirror every day for that extra boost in confidence. 

I used to be very skeptical about this idea. I would always see those people who claim that they didn't work hard, but their results would prove the opposite. They had to have been doing something. How could they just slack off and succeed beyond their goals? Then I realized that they weren't telling me about it. Behind the scenes, they were putting in their blood, sweat, and tears without anyone knowing. No one told them that they had to. It came from within. They wanted to do well and were willing to do whatever it took. You have to really want it. It has to come from you. Maybe just doing the homework required or the practice outside of the sport is not enough. The best athletes and students keep it hush hush. They are exceeding the level of effort and hard work that is expected from them. 

And sometimes all it takes is a wakeup call. Sometimes we have to make a mistake to remind us to get back to work. Distractions, wasting time with unimportant factors, and procrastinating the work that we planned to get done are all mistakes that we make. But do we keep making them or do we take a look in the mirror and convince ourself that we need to stop? We shake ourselves out of that slump and remind ourselves of our goal. We must be willing to say no to pleasurable activities to focus on achieving our goal. But that should never be a burden holding us back. It should be something we are fine doing because it will get us to where we want to be. Hard work and success are directly proportional. We will see our results. That's just the way it is. 

Nothing you want to work will happen. You have to work for something to happen. Write down your goals and remind yourself every day if you are doing everything necessary to meet those expectations. Take a look in the mirror and talk to yourself to boost your confidence. Tell yourself that you are going to get the job done. Tell yourself that you can do it. Tell yourself to smile and do your best. Tell yourself that you got this. It's a conversation worth having. With the right attitude and determination, the world is yours!

-N

That 100%, all natural!

Lies. At some point or another, you probably will be caught in a situation where lying seems like the best option. Whether it be to hide your identity, to promote yourself under the spotlight, or simply to get away with something, there is not a doubt in my mind where we have all lied or at least, considered lying. But beyond making up wild stories for acceptance and selfish desires, lying to ourselves is arguably the worst kind there is. 

Being true to yourself starts with self awareness and a realization of who you want to be in the world. Knowing your aspirations, strengths, and even limitations are a step towards fully understanding and accepting who you are. Being true to yourself comes with pinpointing how you want to live your life. You are in control, and you have complete power in making decisions throughout your life. Being true to yourself means that you aren't caught up with trying to please everyone around you. You shouldn't have to lose yourself in order to prove yourself. Constantly trying to cater to everyone's needs will twist you in different directions. You don't have to compromise who you are. You don't have to take every suggestion from someone and change what makes you unique. Being true to yourself is something that only you can do. No one can tell you how to be you. 

So what is your importance in life? What do you value on a daily basis? What makes you feel confident and proud of exactly who you are? What gets you motivated to go out and achieve your goals? Everyone has their own set of values and beliefs that make them who they are. No one should feel that they have to outright violate them for the sake of someone else. You are free to be exactly who you are! I feel like this sense of belonging is extremely important to teenagers in our generation. Nowadays people will go to whatever extent to fit in to certain groups. Yes, I do realize that it seems super cliché but it happens. And, quite frankly, it's sad that we feel the need to do it. 

The desire for acceptance and belonging is very strong. It makes us feel like we have a safe place to be who we are. But, why must we change who we are just to be in a place where we can later feel at home? Isn't it easier to just fit in with a group of people who enjoy who you are for exactly those same qualities? There are people in the world, as hard as it might seem, who do value you without the changes. Those friendships are the ones that last. With these people, you can remain true to your own beliefs and not have to violate them to know that they will support you no matter what. People notice your unique self. It's when you start to become someone else that those true friends question why you made changes in the first place.

It's hard to stick to your own believes and stay true to yourself in a world full of judgment. Instead of programming yourself to be loved by others, remember what you love! From there, you are on the path to accepting who you are and are ready to encounter those who love you exactly for that reason. You deserve to be 100% all natural you, with no artificial traits!

-N

Summer!

{Sorry! I'd first like to start off by apologizing because I haven't been here for more than 2 months. That's completely on me. The stress of finals and trying to raise my grades in school required all of my attention and as a result, I didn't really have the time to sit down and write. However, writing is definitely something I want to keep doing so hopefully I can keep posting as much as I used to! Sorry once again, but I hope you enjoy!}

Finally! We have waited so long for this break. We have endured sleepless nights, awkward situations, what seemed like endless homework, grueling tests, and here we are. But, let's not delve into the details that made this past year stressful: those are moments we probably want to forget for as long as we can. I'm totally with you on that one. If I could describe this year in two words it would be a year full of "constant change". Socially and academically, I feel like this year hit me with so many curveballs and I had to change a lot of what I was doing in the past. Learning new study habits, hanging out with new people, and adapting a new plan for organization were some of the defined moments of this year that have changed me for the better. 

I know that it's a feeling of relief for most of us and that we just want to enjoy the break that we have, but did we really only associate the past year with negative thoughts? Are you telling me that there were no moments of pure joy when messing around with your friends in between classes? Were there really no moments of jokes, smiles, and sarcasm that made you burst into extreme laughter until your stomach started to hurt? Did you start to remember what it felt like to genuinely appreciate everyone in your life? Did the breakthroughs in raising your grades or finally grasping a concept go unnoticed in your past year? I'm sure, if you try hard enough, you can remember a positive memorable moment from the past school year. The good memories are often overlooked even though they have changed the course of the rest of our high school years.

But, now we do have a break. A time to rest, recover, and rejuvenate from the good effort that we put in last year. We can do all the things we told ourselves that we would do if we ever had extra time. We can catch up on all of our shows, we can stay up as late as we want, we can forget about setting alarms, and we can make plans to have a blast this summer. We are young, and we can make memories that will last us a lifetime. Try new things, visit new places, reconnect with old friends, keep up relationships with the people you care about, make time for you and your family! 

There hasn't been a better time to do so. It's been a long year and we deserve it. Go out and have a little fun. Make it a summer to remember. Try to make it more memorable than last year. Go after your interests, passions, and dreams. If you are pondering your professional future, start to think about taking the first steps to get there. If you have always wanted to start something, now is the perfect time. You name it and just go after it. Think about the things you want to accomplish this summer and make a list. After each completion, check it off! So what if you don't get through them all. Don't feel like you need to achieve everything in a 2-3 month interval. Without feeling stress, do what you want to get done. It's up to you! You are in charge, so just make the most of it! 

-N