Unconditional Friendships

Loyalty. True friends. How do you know who they are? Are they willing to keep your promises? Are they willing to stand by you when you need it the most? Are they willing to tell you the truth? Remaining loyal to your friends is seriously so important, and we should never underestimate the value of certain friendships. People who are fake, people who only come to you when they want something, or people who do things expecting something in return are not worth our time. I know it might seem that you had a great run with a friend and you are scared to see the friendship end, but you don't want it to hold you back! 

In the heat of the moment, it's really sad. The one person you thought you could trust turns their back on you and trades up. You are left there quite literally clueless and wondering what you did wrong. "I'm not even going to tell you what you did wrong, you should know. My friendship with you is only conditional, but other than when I want something from you, we aren't friends." Is this what my 'friends' think of me? All these ridiculous thoughts flood your mind and it comes to a point where it feels real, even though these 'friends' didn't have the nerve to say it to your face. At this point, you must be tired of all their troubles. You start to feel like you've been wasting your time. It drives you insane that you didn't see it before. So you know what? You don't have to put the blame on yourself! You don't have to automatically assume it's because of something you did or didn't do. You don't have to be stepped on and remain powerless. I know it's hard, but you can choose to move on to bigger and better things. 

To anyone reading this, if you have a friend or a group of people who you genuinely care about, keep caring for them. Keep being thoughtful and supportive. Please, don't disappear. Loyal friends will be there for you even when you are wrong. You don't have to fight for them to listen to you, it's their instinct. You don't have to constantly ask if they are okay, you know just by their expression. You don't have to beg for their presence, they show up. It's a two-way street. The concept of paying someone back is simply unnecessary! They do what they do because they admire you. They do what they do because you mean something to them. They don't have to do it to get something in return, they do it because they want to see you happy. Your happiness is their happiness. They just want to be there for you in your best and worst moments.

God forbid a friend treats you in the opposite way, especially when you seriously valued their friendship, don't be afraid to strengthen new relationships. But you don't have to completely forget them. Just because things changed doesn't mean you should feel the need to dislike the other person. Instead of them being a friend who will leave a mark on you, they left a scar. You can be the bigger person and wish them the best. In the end, they were the people who made you aware of those you truly cherish in your life. In a strange way, they made you a better person. They prepared you for exciting relationships in your future. I guess that's just another crazy way that life works out. You do you and keep the true friends close to your heart. Now those are the ones you were always meant to make memories with!

-N

Take a Deep Breath

Calm. Down. People think you're going crazy. Seriously. You need to chill. Why are you even frustrated? It's really not that big of a deal. Just let it go. It's going to be fine, let's do something else. There's nothing you can do about it.

Sound familiar? It definitely does for me. Stress builds up in so many ways and it can get really overwhelming. Sometimes you find yourself getting frustrated for the "little things" and you can't seem to identify the root of your anxiety. I guess we don't realize how quickly stress can consume us and take over our bodies. So here's one way to look at it. Stress is sort of like how our body deals with change: the inevitable in life. Things change, for the better and for the worse, and sometimes stray from your intended route. People change, plans change, ideas change, actions change, and it's all in the handbook of life. We have to accept that sometimes things aren't going to go the way we hoped. And we must learn that we can get through it, but we don't have to ignore it. Our reactions to life's surprises are important and it is what helps us prepare for even bigger surprises. Stress happens and stress will keep on happening. 

I don't think that stress can be eliminated. Instead, we can learn to manage our stress. As silly as it might sound, it can be really hard to determine the unnecessary stress from the important stress. But hey, everyone is different. One person's anxiety can simply be a challenge to another. One person's every day struggle could be unbearable to another. What this means is that any type of stress cannot just be ignored, we have to help get through it. And we all can get stressed in so many different ways. When things don't go our way. When we have very little control in our current situation. When we don't feel prepared. When someone broke a promise. When we are judged by others. When we try and fail over and over again. I'm sure we call all relate.

All these causes of stress are unwanted by all of us. If we had the option to just choose a life with no stress, so many of us would take it. Unfortunately, life can be a bumpy ride. So instead of suffering alone, let's try and help each other! For starters, don't hold it all in. You don't want to suddenly burst after so many unheard feelings brushed and buried away inside. Talk it out with your friends and family, the ones you can trust the most. It's amazing how much better we can feel simply by talking through our issues. We can be surprised how therapeutic these conversations can be. Try exercising! Go out for a stress relieving run or swim! Maybe a relaxing walk in the park! Plug in those headphones and start up the tunes! If you don't feel comfortable letting out your emotions quite yet, these can help calm you down too. Experiment with reading, taking a nap, writing your feelings out, and you'll find a stress management technique perfect for you. 

Stress, just as it can be interpreted in many different ways, can effect us in unique ways. Stress can effect our mood and immunity and who knows how many other aspects of our every day lives. The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. Stress makes you human. Please don't feel like you have to go through it alone. By all means, ask for help if you need it! Discovering your preferences regarding stress management is a key strategy for becoming resilient in all of your overwhelming situations. And take your time with it. Take it one day at a time. You're health and happiness comes first. Letting go of stressful situations is not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you don't care. It just means that you are taking control of your own life. And that's inspiring!

-N

Cliché, but Important

Individuality. The thing that makes you who you are. The thing that makes other people value your purpose and existence in their lives. The thing that shouldn't be a burden waiting to be released and forgotten forever. The thing that is blindly stated over and over again, but cannot be stressed enough. Be yourself. 

Wow! Haven't heard that before! is probably what you all are thinking. If that's true, why do I see so many teenagers trying to be someone they aren't just to fit into society's norms. This is something that I really care about and really want to understand the sole purpose for why we do this. The friends I made years ago are the people I genuinely wanted to have in my lives, nothing will ever change that. You don't have to change yourselves so that other people will like you. You don't have to put on a demeanor of someone who you has the life you strive to have. It's just not worth it.  

I hate seeing people get hurt by others who they thought meant something to them. How can someone just suddenly flip the switch from enjoying your presence to ignoring your existence in a matter of a few days? Are people aware of the toll these actions take on others? I have been in this spot, recently as a matter of fact. It sucks, to say the least. We are left in a state of confusion more than anything else. This confusion erodes at our minds and makes us question What did I do wrong? as if it was completely our fault. A little reassurance would be nice, but its really hard to just be blunt and find out what happened. The fear of the response is really what fuels our confusion. This is definitely not a position that anyone should be put in. 

This quote by Alan Watts encompasses it all, "Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be." Your true self is the person who is unbothered by society's customs and beliefs. Your genuine self is the person who forgets about those negative, fear-based thoughts camping out in your brain. Your authentic self is the person who loves and accepts the privilege that is you. Your real self is the person who resists the urge to suppress your natural identity for the purpose of fitting in. Letting go of the labels and stereotypes can only be a good thing, a path to that part of you that you lost touch with when your focus had been steered towards pleasing everyone. Their happiness matters more than your own. Their beliefs replace your own. Their standards become your own. No!

What I think people don't realize fast enough is that you are pleasing everyone but yourself. Now this absolutely breaks my heart. The saying is repeated and repeated and repeated, everyone knows that. The real self of the people who are judging you are yet to be tapped. The thoughts that drive you to conform to society are inevitable. Indeed, they will come and go at uneven intervals. Face them and do not let them overwhelm you! Stay strong and let them pass without getting attached. Go out into the world and be you, individual, unique, and inspirational than ever before. You are worthy in society and whoever thinks differently is driven by fear. People like you for who you are! People value your true self that you locked away! Come back! We miss you! 

-N

You Have My Attention

Listen. That is all people want you to do when they are talking to you. Your undivided attention and respect is the greatest sense of reassurance to us teenagers. Here you are, sharing some of the most important moments in your life to people who you genuinely want to tell. We assume that they will want to hear us out, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. Instead, we experience the feeling of isolation and unworthiness when you are trying to express your feelings, and the person doesn't seem to care about you at all. In fact, they would rather tell you about their life and expect that you would care for them. Then you start to realize that these relationships seem to be a one-way street. Being who you are, you are genuinely ready to listen to your friends, ask questions, and offer solutions in any way that you can. Why don't they return the favor?

Nothing erodes self-esteem like not being heard. If everyone were to agree, then why do so many people ignore it? It's sad, but the world can be selfish. Everyone is trying to get to the top, seeking and obtaining any advice from others in order to succeed. People are so busy on promoting themselves that they feel they don't have the time to sit down and hear someone else out. I wish I knew this earlier, and I'm still a teenager. I understand that people might not care about me, but does that mean I should still care for them? This is a question I see myself struggling with every day. Am I a bad friend if I want to think for myself? Am I a bad person if I don't have advice to give them? My short answer: Absolutely not! 

If you find that you're friends didn't really hear you out, and instead just brushed it off, I get that it can be really frustrating. But I feel like if it doesn't happen that frequently, then its strangely normal. Teenagers today are so busy and extremely focused on their futures. We can't really blame each other for wanting to do something for ourselves, because its who we are. Now, if you think back and can confidently say that you are never heard when you want to be, you don't deserve to be treated like that. You are important and so is everything that you have to say. If you are not given the attention that is appropriate, surround yourself with people who you know will be more than willing to support you and help you out. I choose to believe that maintaining healthy relationships that reciprocate favors is the key to happiness. 

The dismissal of your viewpoint causes levels of anxiety and sadness that no one should ever have to experience. Don't let people take advantage of you, you are worth more than them. It breaks my heart to see people unaware of others' true intentions. If I could, with one stroke of a wand, cure all unhealthy relationships, trust me, I would! You'll know when you find those true friends who know exactly how to respond in every moment. I hope you guys find those people as soon as possible, and if you already discovered them, congratulations you've made it! I wish you all the best and don't for one second think that what you have to contribute is useless, so keep your head up! Never forget that you were put on this Earth for a reason and that I'm always here for you too!

-N

Page 1, the First of 365

Finally! It's 2017! It's time to reflect and appreciate our fantastic last year. I hope you took the time to celebrate the successes, positivity, and happiness that 2016 has presented to you. The struggles, disappointments, and tears have carried you down this path of hard work and dedication. It will all be worth it, I promise! Another year of dreaming, accomplishing, and persevering down in the books. Here's to new friendships, new passions, and new attitudes that have developed this year. Thank you 2016!

Reflecting back, we have been through countless smiles and laughter. I am grateful for every happy memory that my friends, family, and I have shared. Whenever I surround myself with these people who know me best, I'm on top of the world! I am so lucky for those people who calm me down and remind me that I need to take care of my health. Thank you to the friends who smile hello, wave goodbye, and express the little things that mean the world to me. Thank you to those who know exactly what to say and how to get me to laugh...for a really long time. You guys make the hardest classes and practices even more enjoyable and I hope you all know how much you meant to me. Shout out to the friends who surprised me with one of the most thoughtful gift this year, no one has ever done that for me before. I am humbled to have friends who I can learn and grow with, especially when they are so intelligent and humble! Then, there are the new friends in my life, it was great to meet you and I'm looking forward to strengthening our friendship! I appreciate my family for supporting me and giving me opportunities that they never got to have. Thank you for never giving up on me despite the many times I screw up. What did I do to deserve these people in my life? 

I think many of you can agree that it was not simply a smooth ride, there were definitely bumps and potholes here and there. And that is completely normal, so I've heard. I'm in the same boat as you! All we can do is learn and not dwell. This is our chance to forget about what could have been or worry about what if. Instead, we must embrace what will be. How can we move past our missteps, how can we turn a trip into a stride, and how can we learn and thrive. Maybe I didn't get as far as I wanted this year, maybe people lost faith in me, and maybe there were moments where I just felt stuck and didn't know what to do. If anyone feels the same way I do, I know we are just trying to look for answers, as if it is written in a sacred "How to Succeed" book somewhere. It's been more than a year and I haven't arrived at that magical solution. 

But, you know what we can do? Change our mindset! 2017 will be an opportunity to set out on new adventures, to do more, to give more, and a chance to do it better this year. I've been told that if you consistently work hard, if you are ready to make things difficult for yourself, if you radiate self-confidence and modesty, if you are open to seeking help and advice, if your actions speak more than your words, and if you trust that you did everything you could do to prepare yourself for this moment, success will surely find you. It is time that I start believing and living by it. I guess what I am trying to say is we have to stop thinking about what we want to accomplish and instead, start doing them! 

Honestly, I hope all your dreams start coming true today. I want to see you change the world! I've seen the potential that teenagers have today, and in my eyes I see nothing but success and triumphs in your futures. I wish that not a single tear or patch of darkness catches you by surprise. I want today to be the beginning of fresh starts with nothing but aspirations and ambitions for you and your families. May your new year be filled with light, love, and peace beyond the horizons. I wish that not a single negative thought reach your mind and not a single loved one leave your side. You are capable of surprising the world. I wish you all the best this year! It's time your voyage sets sail and everything will be just fine, I swear. It's been real 2016! That's a wrap!

-N

You're Not a Failure

Successful. What does it mean? Many define it as being amazing at everything you do. Whether it be extreme talent or extreme dedication, these people know what it's like to be the best. Yes, there are going to be people who have probably never tasted failure, and they might not even know what it feels like to be in a slump. Good for them! I think that's really awesome! To me, success means getting back up after a fall. Now those people are my role models.

I face failures every single day. Sometimes I feel like the reason that other people don't screw up is because there are people like me who fail enough times for the both of us. As if it is some sort of action-reaction theorem. To be honest, I am really struggling to change that mindset. I feel like on a daily basis, I make myself out to be a disgrace, that people are disappointed in me, that I am not who I used to be. As for me, I didn't realize any of that. I thought I was the same old me, it's me in the flesh. Apparently, the world around me didn't think so.

I think it's true, that some people do undergo more suffering and disappointment than others. I know, it does get frustrating that no matter how hard you work you can't seem to get your goal in whatever activity or academic related courses. Those people who never seem to fail simply have extremely high expectations for themselves. They probably have held these high standards for their whole lives. To them, a "failure" could be equivalent to "average" to us. So in a strange way, they do feel like they fail too.

What I'm trying to say is, everybody has their moments. Take it from me, someone who probably fails on a daily basis. I still have a sliver of hope for myself that I will come up someday. And you will too, you're no exception! You guys have so much life ahead of you. Don't count your failures, regret, and shame. One of the best things to learn from is our failures. Let the mistakes teach us new lessons. 

Think about it this way-- with each slip up, you are one step closer to reaching your goal! Please don't think of yourself differently when you mess up. Your mistakes do not define you, the way you react from them is what is important. Take your failures in your stride! As long as you are genuinely doing your best, that's all you can really ask for. Your time will come, that is something I will bet on. I am 100% confident in you guys succeeding. Now it's your turn, put a smile on that face and brush it off. You will prevail!

-N

It Does Matter

Future. Mine and yours. I feel like some people forget the scary truth about our future. I feel like some of us are not told the scary truth about the impact and consequences of our daily lives. And the scary truth is that, everything matters- well, if you are normal like me. I look around at my friends and each one of them has a talent that they are extremely good at, whether it be an academic subject or an extracurricular. The time that they spend pursing their talent and ultimately winning in that field, is what will get them a bright future. Good for them! Honestly! I am proud of all you prodigious teenagers!

But how is life going to play out when we are just average? When you just blend in among the crowd, every little thing starts to matter. Any chance we ordinary kids get to stand out, we will take it! And yes, that means that means performing well in school and outside of school activities. Because we do not have that one thing that we excel at, any moment of failure or success in our lives is important. We are constantly trying to prove ourselves to the world, that we are good enough-- for jobs, internships, colleges, and for advertising ourselves for the future. 

People say we worry too much. People say that grades don't define you. People say that it will all work out in the end as if our life fits together like they are some perfect puzzle pieces. Making mistakes is inevitable, I get that. But with every additional failure in our path, the more our stress and anxiety increases. The only things that seem to matter are our rankings- school-wide, statewide, nationwide, and ultimately, worldwide. If we have no extracurricular or talent to fall back on, we are constantly stressing about getting good grades and scores on exams. 

Being normal is not easy, it's quite the contrary. Find ways that make you unique because standing out has never been more attractive! Some people don't see your capabilities and hard work, it's the ugly truth that the results only seem to matter. I'm sure you work so hard to get where you are, but you don't have to prove it to the world. You have to prove it to yourself! You have to be honest with yourself when you say you put in 100% effort into everything you do. You have to prove it to yourself that you can work hard and get your desired aspirations.

My only advice: start now! You have no time to waste! Every time you put off your hard work and diligence, think about your competition. Are they putting in the grueling hours to get into their dream school? Here I am in bed, when my peers from across the world are studying to prove it to themselves that they can be top notch quality. You are all so capable and I wish every single school and workplace could see all of your unique personalities. You don't always need trophies or medals to be talented. Your mind and attitude, if in the right mentality, are your treasures as well. Work hard, play hard, and show the world how it's done. After all, you'll get to be the one saying I told you so to everyone who doubted you!

-N