Don't Lose Who You Are

Upgrades. To the people being left, it sure seems like one. One moment you are important, the next moment you are forgotten, succumbed to the awkward smiles down the hall. And to think you used to be important to these people? You USED to matter. I guess I'm happy that you found who you are supposed to be with. I always wanted you to be happy, that is a fact for sure. I just didn't know that happiness would come from leaving me. Leaving a family of people who cared about you, who we thought we meant something to. Are we supposed to hold on? Hold on stronger than the force that let you go?

If it makes you feel better about yourself now that you have this one person or this new group then I am happy you finally saw the light. I am content that you finally feel like you are living your best life. When I said I believed in you and that we were going to have a lifetime of memories, I just thought maybe we could be part of them too. But if that isn't what you heard out of it, then consider me mistaken. You have a right to your own feelings. I would never going to try and hold you down or keep you from going after what you want.

As you are spending time with these other people, are you going to forget we ever existed? Because if you are, then that's your choice and we'll learn to live with it. If you really wanted a clean start, that is fine. You can't really blame someone for wanting to move on, right? That choice is completely up to the person it directly affects. In this case, you. So make that choice if you want. Do we just let you go? Is that what you want? Are you ever going to come back? Do we want you to come back? I guess now we're struggling to decide if we are even worth it to you, or if we will just slip away and become forgotten. All the time, effort, advice, just suddenly disappears. Then what? Just memories we used to have, just a friend we used to bond with. That's life I guess, people come and go. People trade up for the better. It's okay. It just wasn't our fault.

-N

Future Endeavors

Purpose. I know as teenagers, we are still trying to figure this out. What am I supposed to do with my life? Who am i supposed to be? Why was I put on this earth? What was I born to do? I find myself asking these questions as well. I mean, it is ultimately up to us. To an extent that is scary. Deciding what you want or at least plan, to do with the rest of your life is a big deal. It is a valid action. In applying to college, I'm sure selecting the major that interests you makes you hesitate for at least a second. I for one am guilty of this.  find myself putting all this pressure thinking that once I select this option, I am somehow stuck with it for the rest of my life. As if there is no other job for me later.

But wait! There are many instances of people coming out of college with a degree that is different that what they end up doing for a living. Don't get me wrong, it will certainly help knowing what you want to do and then spending your life chasing that dream that aligns perfectly with what you study in college. That would be perfect, and yes, I have no doubt that there are people like that. However, there are some people that don't have it all together as seamlessly as they do. There are some who have a general idea of what interests us. There are some people who are particularly open minded and are ready to try everything to see what excites them later. Falling in any of these categories is perfectly fine. We are young. We have time. What we choose now will not completely define us later.

Now, there is nothing wrong with trying to find out what interests you now. Explore your options! Think about times when you were fascinated with what you were learning or pursuing. There are bound to be moments where you felt more than content with the actions you were partaking in or the activities you were participating in . And if you go our exploring your choices and end up feeling like you didn't make any progress, don't worry! It takes time. There are multiple situations in which people are trying to find their passions by exploring and it ends up taking more time than they anticipated. Rome wasn't built in a day after all. You will find your purpose eventually. You were put on this Earth for a reason, 100% guaranteed. There has got to be something that makes you want to get out of bed every day. If you haven't quite found that activity yet, you will. But just know, it exists.

Yeah I get that students these days want to be set on the path that leads, or at least steers, them in the right direction to where they might want to end up. And if this happens to be you, that is amazing! I just you to know that it's okay if you don't find that answer as soon as you want. I'm sure many teenagers worldwide are in that position and trying to figure it all out too. You can do this. Just give it time. You will be happy that you didn't rush it. Promise.

-N

A Common Courtesy

Expectations. With friends, there is a certain standard of human kindness and respect that we hold each other to. We care for them, hope for them, smile with them, love them. When we look over and see them sulk, we rush over and tell them to keep their chin up. We can't stand to see them upset. We find any solution possible to cheer them up. We go through the toughest moments together. They have such a powerful impact on our lives. We always find ourselves rushing to them whenever they are struggling. We aren't satisfied until we see a smile peaking out from their distress. It's the least we can do for people we hold so high in our hearts.

When people come into our lives, we hope that they have what it takes to be a proper friend. If they repeatedly disappoint or fail to be dependable at the times you need it the most, chances are they don't hold you in the same regard. Countless people come and go, but it is those who make an effort and show genuine affection and care who stay. In fact, it doesn't even matter how long the friendship has lasted. There are people who you have been with for many years who suddenly drift apart. You could be friends with someone for what seemed like forever and suddenly an event splits you apart, leaving you unable to fix the relationship. Things like that happen. There are also people who you meet and immediately click with. You find someone who shares similar interests or personalities or even someone completely different, but somehow you both respect and care for each other like it was always meant to be. 

Friends shouldn't have to have a transactional relationship. Everything that you do for each other should be out of love for the other person. People shouldn't feel obligated to perform actions in hopes of receiving the same in the future. It diminishes the truth of the friendship. Everyone deserves a meaningful community at which they feel like they have purpose. Everyone deserves people who make them feel special. Everyone deserves to surround themselves with those who genuinely want to spend time with them. Because otherwise, how real are the relationships we maintain?

-N

From the Heart

Genuine. It's what we want our friends, family, and mentors to be. We want to be able to trust them when they are giving us feedback. We want to hear them out because we know they are trying to help us. We want to know that they have our values in their heart. And even after everything they do for us, we want to let them know that we are grateful for them and that we are proud of them. There are so many hard-working, passionate people in my life that deserve to be happy. Sometimes I feel like they are suppressing their happiness to not make others feel bad. They worked so hard, often when no one else was nearly as dedicated, and they earned it. They put passion, determination, and grit into their work. It was inspiring to say the least. I cannot say enough how many people like this exist in my life, and I am genuinely so happy for them and everything they accomplish. It's so impressive to me and goes to show that you can win by putting your heart and soul into something, and having a great time along the way. It's stunning to watch. 

Now here is what makes me sad. Why do people have to be fake to their faces, and completely trash them on the side? The eye rolls, the scoffs, the insults are all necessary? Maybe these people are too shy to admit that they were genuinely impressed with their work. Maybe they had an extravagant plan to put you down so you couldn't follow through with your winning plan. It's so disheartening to know that there are always going to be people like this in our lives. What I've learned is that you still have to be headstrong about your idea, because it totally has the potential to be life-changing. People in this world have the audacity to say such disgusting things about others, and unfortunately, that is something we just have to deal with. To them, anyone who has a chance of getting in their way becomes an enemy of sorts. There is nothing wrong about being proud of someone even when they did better than you! It shows maturity, grace, and a good mentality. Stay positive and humble, it is that simple! I know how competitive our generation is, but we cannot expect to give anything less than 100% of our effort and still come out on top. There are people live and breath everything they do, and have a good time doing it. Those are winners. We should learn from them, not be jealous of them. 

But I do know that not everyone is like that. Its refreshing to know that there are others who motivate and root for their friends to succeed as well. These are people that we should surround ourselves around and strive to be like. There is nothing bad about being hard on ourselves to succeed. There is nothing bad about competitive edge. But I do think it is important to keep it to ourselves instead of tricking those around you. Being supportive is nothing to be ashamed about! You win some, you lose some. You just have to be proud of doing your best and be happy for those who overcame their struggles diligently. When you have your moment, your genuine supporters will be the first to congratulate you. That is something I have no doubts about. I am proud of you all! You are going to do great things, and I am so so excited! 

-N

Excuses or Good Reasons?

Justifications. They give an explanation to our actions. But can we tell the difference between proper justifications and explanations that don't tell the full story. Now as children, I'm sure most of us have had the talk about owning up to our own actions instead of blaming others. In fact, it's probably one of the earliest lessons we've learned. You know the My dog ate my homework! or the Sorry I was late, there was so much traffic! or even the My alarm didn't go off even though I double checked that it was on the night before! While these happen more often than we would like, we also realize that sometimes we make excuses for other people rather than just ourselves. It's a different scenario. 

What about that one person who makes a commitment and then flakes at the last minute for no good reason? I'm sure this happens to all of us, which is completely normal. But what if it keeps happening time and time again? It's up to us to decide what to make of it. If they find a way to make it up to you every time then maybe it's no big deal. If you find that you are always there for them but they never return the favor, then maybe something is up. Maybe you realize that it doesn't make a difference in that their presence won't be missed. Maybe you are genuinely disappointed but have to put on a strong front. If the second is true, it might be time to do a little mental check to make sure you understand what your feelings are really saying. Did the person realize my expectations of their behavior? Were my expectations not even considered, leaving me angry, sad, or disappointed in them? Have I been led down this road before? Do I have a reason to expect any more than this behavior from this person?

Sometimes we get into the habit of letting people off the hook. We start making excuses for these people, trying to explain their odd behavior through lies that we end up believing. But the more we make excuses for people, the more we get hurt. We are just lying to ourselves, accepting the behavior of people who lie to us. All these attempts of understanding mixed messages, reading between the lines, and letting them off easy are towards people who simply don't care about you enough. As hard as it might be sometimes, we have to stop tolerating such people who make promises bigger than they can keep, who talk too much and do too little, who want you when it's convenient for them, who aren't there when you need them most. Some people just take no matter how much you give. Sometimes it is a one way street. Sometimes we are being too understanding. Sometimes we spend too much time trying to justify their actions when we can much simpler. 

The truth of the matter is that those who truly care for you will go out of their way to be there while others run away. True friends will go that extra mile and not see it as a burden. The people who love you will show you. The people who don't will love you when they need something in return. The people who are worth being in your life will remember the little things that make you smile and the milestones that don't deserve to go unnoticed. There are people in this world who will either love you or not at all. Surround yourself with the people who are 100% for your happiness, success, and friendship. You deserve such people in your life. You deserve to be with people who find reasons to be in your life. You deserve to live a life with people who care about you always.

-N

Between You and Me

Trust. I told you something very personal to me, did you have to go and tell everyone else in the room? Was that necessary? Tell me, did it make you feel better about yourself? I thought I could trust you in that moment. Clearly I made a mistake doing that. I learned my lesson. Better it happened with a small secret now, then with a bigger one later. It's moments like these when I realize who my true friends are. You aren't. Now I am more aware of you now. I'm more aware of your intentions, in their selfish glory. But seriously, thank you. I needed that. I need people like you to make me wake up into reality that there are actually only a few people who you can trust. There are only a few people who actually want what's best for you. And you just aren't them. 

Does this thought process sound familiar? It's sad how often this sort of gossip happens these days. But I doubt it can really be eliminated. Most people just aren't as good as you think. You never know who you can trust sometimes. You think you are at a place where you are comfortable enough to tell the other person anything. But turns out, you're wrong about that thought. It's frustrating, annoying, disappointing. It takes so long to find the right person or group of people who you can really trust. If it mean that your secrets and personal thoughts are safe with them, maybe it is worth the time and effort spent finding those people. 

Secrets are hard to keep. It's hard to go about your life with a secret inside of you that no one knows about. It's hard to not tell anyone exactly how you are feeling at every moment or tell people what you are really going through. If only we can just embrace it and tell someone. For those who realize that keeping secrets with themselves only holds them back, you are the most courageous and powerful people I know. I seriously admire you. It's not easy to just admit to it compared to keeping it to yourself. Imagine if you were brave enough to own up to what you were hiding inside. You wouldn't have to worry about people humiliating you. You wouldn't have to feel powerless and embarrassed.

But then there are those secrets that feel can never come out. If you tell anyone, make sure that you are confident putting your trust in them. Ask yourself, do these people care genuinely care about how I feel? Have these people always been there for me when I needed it the most? It this relationship a two way street? Have they been able to help me before? How much do I value this friendship? If you are able to respond yes to all of these questions, then go for it. Tell them. Really think about what you are going to say before you say it. You don't want any slip ups now. These people have your true interests at heart. They will give you the best possible advice or even just listen to you. They will hear you out and will be there whenever you need to talk, or not talk. They are there for you regardless. I hope you can find these group of people. I wish you the best! You are brave, powerful, strong, and in control!

-N

Didn't Expect That

Surprise! The word commonly associated with preferable outcomes. But what if it's something that caught you dumbfounded, shocked, or confused? Imagine someone just told you something that you didn't want to hear at the moment. Maybe it was something that you considered deep in the back of your mind, maybe it was something that you didn't expect to occur at all, maybe it was something that you didn't think was even possible to happen. You are kind of just left there speechless, trying to choke up a response, so the other person doesn't think you are impacted. It's really awkward to say the least. Everything was going great until that moment. Now you can't stop thinking about it. It consumed you. Your mood for the rest of the day changed. Don't let if get to you, you repeat to yourself. It just continues to do so. What now? 

Stay strong like the warrior you are. How you react is crucial to your perseverance. You can choose to contemplate the situation forever. You can choose to replay the moment in your head over and over again. You can choose to think about it for a little bit and then reset. The next step is how you can take the information that crept up on you and turn it around to your benefit. Evaluate it's impact on your future and where you want to end up. Are there minor things to fix along the way? Is it just a small "new game plan" moment? Or does it cause you to make major directional changes? Is it affecting something you thought you would do forever? I think these are questions we have to address. Talk through it with some buddies. Sit down with them and explain your situation. You will never know how many tidbits of advice you can pick up from them if you don't open up. Trust me, it's a great relief to just rant to those who really care for you. 

Don't start hating on the situation. If it's a person who surprised you in the wrong way, try not to fixate on them as people. Don't place any hate or blame on the person or event. Focus on how you can benefit instead. Things are going to happen that aren't in your favor. It's inevitable. But what if this moment helps you realize something you wouldn't have otherwise? What if this moment guides you into making a decision that makes you happier and more successful? Go into it with a positive outlook. Keep that smile on your face. Take a few deep breaths. Everything happens for a reason. You can get through it. I have faith that you will make a decision that you are content with. You got this.

Keep your values at heart. Be mature about your reaction. Focus for a while on how you want to respond. Again, the unexpected and how we choose to get past it makes us stronger. These are life's teaching moments. 

-N